100 Lives

My husband recently forwarded me an e-mail that asked:

"Do you ever feel like you've lived a hundred lives already?"

While we chuckled about the odd question and its author, we also discussed the question.

I won't speak for him, but I can honestly answer with a flat....nope.

I wished away my youth. *Poof* I couldn't wait until I was...older. 

Old enough to throw a "cool" birthday party...

get my license...

date...

go to prom...

move out of my parent's house...

wish.. wish.. wish.

I remember visiting day at the high school in 8th grade. We were all assigned a senior to follow around like an awkward puberty-laden puppy dog for one full day. It was mortifying more than it was helpful.

I got this perfect girl named Michelle. She had perfect hair, perfect teeth, perfect skin...she pretty much had the high school girl thing down.

I began wishing away 8th grade and my last summer before high school. I became convinced that being enrolled (even as a lowly freshman) but belonging to this thing called HIGH school, that I would suddenly transform. I would automatically have and choose perfect outfits, finally find the right hair cut for my face shape, apply my new art of make up flawlessly, grow some boobs, gain some confidence...and be followed around by a swarm of adoring friends and drooling boys. (Don't judge me.)

Then came high school...and I learned that I was wrong. I would not magically become a popular beauty queen in high school...you don't reach perfection until college...right? :)

At some point I became an adult. (Don't ask me to specify when, I couldn't if I tried.) 

My wishing didn't end with my adolescence, it took on a new life. I now wish for time to stop, rather than speed up, many MANY times a day.

I wanted to press pause when Kenzie took her first steps...or when Klara first said Ommy (Mommy). SLOW DOWN!

I want to slow down moments like family movie nights on the play room floor, with all 4 of our hands (and occasionally a sticky foot) digging in the popcorn bowl. You really don't want to share popcorn with us unless you are well acquainted with our germs..you've been warned.

I want to listen to conversations with my aging parents, or Kris' amazing grandparents in slow motion.

I want to replay special days and nights on repeat and just soak it all in.

I want to hold onto the images, people, and moments of my current life forever.

I even want to rewind sometimes. No, not to relive the days I could do the splits all 3 ways, cheer at a football game, or attend another sorority formal, but to wish alterations into my past. I wish I could go back and know what I know now--cliche I know. 

I wish I had met my husband earlier (and saved us both from horrendous exs.)

I wish we had started our family earlier...(there is no way we will make our goal of 10 kids at this rate...snort snort.)

I wish I'd learned sooner what the most important things in life are.

I wish I had MORE time. Not even 100 years (or lives) would seem long enough with the people I love. 

So no, very simply, I do not feel as if I have lived a hundred lives. In fact, I feel like I haven't lived the one I have as well I'd like, but I have learned to appreciate every fleeting second.

At one point I would have envied someone who's time was passing so rapidly for them that they felt they'd lived so much, but now I would simply counsel them to slow down. Take a looooong look around. Your many lives are missing what really MATTERS...you're doing it so wrong. Maybe you haven't found your happiness, your peace, your place, but...

Pause. Breathe. Rest.

Jeremiah 6:16 Thus says the LORD:”Stand by the roads, and look, and ask for the ancient paths, where the good way is; and walk in it, and find rest for your souls.  But they said, ‘We will not walk in it.’